Paul Harvey, 1965: “If I Were the Devil”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGrWvrGDOXg
This speech was broadcast by legendary ABC Radio
commentator Paul Harvey on April 3, 1965:
If I were the Devil . . . I mean, if I were the Prince of
Darkness, I would, of course, want to engulf the whole
earth in darkness. I would have a third of its real estate
and four-fifths of its population, but I would not be
happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree, so I
should set about however necessary to take over the
United States. I would begin with a campaign of
whispers. With the wisdom of a serpent, I would
whisper to you as I whispered to Eve: “Do as you
please.” “Do as you please.” To the young, I would
whisper, “The Bible is a myth.” I would convince them
that man created God instead of the other way around. I
would confide that what is bad is good, and what is good
is “square.” In the ears of the young marrieds, I would
whisper that work is debasing, that cocktail parties are
good for you. I would caution them not to be extreme in
religion, in patriotism, in moral conduct. And the old, I
would teach to pray. I would teach them to say after me:
“Our Father, which art in Washington” . . . If I were the
devil, I’d educate authors in how to make lurid literature
exciting so that anything else would appear dull an
uninteresting. I’d threaten T.V. with dirtier movies and
vice versa. And then, if I were the devil, I’d get
organized. I’d infiltrate unions and urge more loafing
and less work, because idle hands usually work for me.
I’d peddle narcotics to whom I could. I’d sell alcohol to
ladies and gentlemen of distinction. And I’d tranquilize
the rest with pills. If I were the devil, I would encourage
schools to refine young intellects, but neglect to
discipline emotions . . . let those run wild. I would
designate an athiest to front for me before the highest
courts in the land and I would get preachers to say “she’s
right.” With flattery and promises of power, I could get
the courts to rule what I construe as against God and in
favor of pornography, and thus, I would evict God from
the courthouse, and then from the school house, and then
from the houses of Congress and then, in His own
churches, I would substitute psychology for religion, and
I would deify science because that way men would
become smart enough to create super weapons but not
wise enough to control them. If I were Satan, I’d make
the symbol of Easter an egg, and the symbol of
Christmas, a bottle. If I were the devil, I would take
from those who have and I would give to those who
wanted, until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.
And then, my police state would force everybody back to
work. Then, I could separate families, putting children
in uniform, women in coal mines, and objectors in slave
camps. In other words, if I were Satan, I’d just keep on
doing what he’s doing. Paul Harvey, Good Day.